I'm bored, just came back from work. Been ages since I last blogged, lotsa feelings I wanna share, and e only method I see is blogging to myself since I guess nobody visits this site anymore.
Life has been good. 2007 kicked off to a great start. Misunderstandings cleared up, been religiously doing my schwork and attending classes. Working hard at the same time to ensure I've bullets in the Gun ready to fire when theres a need to.
Exams are drawing to a close, May to be exact. Preperations are not that solid to be honest, been occupying myself with other distractions. The Prison Break series, games, and of course, my social life. Changes, there are changes everywhere, everyone. Why do pple have to be more cynical as they grow older ? Are they changes that are inevitable, can nobody stay the same forever ? Or sometimes I do ponder myself if I've even changed. Maybe yes maybe no. A character is not one for myself to assess. I've learnt the skill of filtering out pple I dun need in my life.
Woke up at 6am to give my mum a lift for her overseas trip. Unlike our usual style, we striked up a nice conversation in e car and I felt a sense of warmth and love for once of such a rare occassion. Nothing to do after that, so I grabbed my notes and headed to my neighbourhood hair saloon to do rebonding as i promised myself b4 CNY. Tuition after that again, routine after routine every week which I think i'm getting sick off, but the money more than pays so I guess I'll stick to this routine atm.
It's been almost 1 yr since she left without any notice nor explanation. Also 1 yr since i've last seen her. Oh how those memories still reside in my head. But the feelings have all been lost. It cant be sedation of myself, neither do I believe it was the causual mechanism that led to it. Perhaps I've learnt to let go. I do not even know if my heart is empty or half-fill with love which is not materialising and yet keeping my hopes high. Dreams and wishes are currently left un-fufilled. I'm not a fan of a half done job, so just tell me what it is. Such is life that it is a game, where a wrong throw of a dice can land you on the wrong end of society. Whereas if ur lucky to strike jackpot and make it big, ur sudddenly the envy of ur social group.
I don't intend to lose, I have my own plans, my own ambitions, big ones they are. I do not want to be a loser, I want to be a winner, I'm a fighter and I'll fight this game to the very end. Because at the end of this day, I'll be looking down at this boardgame and knowing that those are jokes and what is real is only what is present up there.
2007, I need an insight, a direction as to where I'm heading. And probably whats surfacing atm is giving me a clearer picture of what the future holds for me. Things that used to be impt are no longer impt anymore, while other issues previously overlooked suddenly became integral in my life. How society can change you, especially with the people around you. Given the chance of a Solitary life in exchance for happiness i'll take the latter.
Signing off as I have to retire to bed early due to sch tmr. Thank you Mr Ghost/s for letting me share my feelings with you. But I'll rather not take ur bony shoulder, for I have my Sister's warmth to lean on.
2012pm
29 Jan 07
